Dare to Dance

Another day, another week, another choice to walk in trust or selfishness.

I spent the afternoon cleaning up cables and equipment at the church. One of the more common tasks of an Audio/Visual team leader. I could have had help if I had wanted, but today I didn't want. There was much to talk to God about and my heart was heavy. So I turned my worship music on loud in the empty sanctuary as started to coil, and arrange, and gaff.

Before long I was singing along. Singing to God with an audience of sixteen red rows of theater seats...

"You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of the dust." *

Then I couldn't sit still any longer. I got up and started to dance.  Those sixteen rows of red seats wouldn't mind.

"...You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of us!" *

There's a reason the Psalms command us to dance. It's freeing. When you discard all inhibitions in praise and pour your strength into worship. When all the unspoken prayer from the heart is lavished like incense on the Saviour's feet.  You can't dance and be dismal. And you can't dance halfheartedly - not when it's just you and God.

I danced my yearning for God, my desire for His pleasure. Then I danced His victory. My God IS victorious and it was time my enemies knew it. Visibly. I danced on the grave of my self will. I danced the dance of those made whole by the mercy of God. I don't know if it was pretty (that wasn't the point), it was simply  all I had. I danced until my strength was gone, my face was sweaty, and I could smile again.

I danced until I got victory. 

Take a minute one of these days and dance before God in your prayer closet. King David did it. The Israelites did it when God parted the Red Sea. Pour out your praise like sweet perfume at His feet. 

*From the song "Beautiful Things" by Gungor

A Day In Psalms

I have made it a habit over the past several years to read Psalms and Proverbs through every month. This means 5 Psalms a day to get through in 30 days. So today I started on Psalm 13, then counted out 30 and read Psalm 43, then Psalm 73, and so on. It's quite a nice system.

The Psalms always seem to follow a common theme, and, more often then not, they tend to be exactly what I need to hear for the day. Today was no exception.  The week has been a bit frustrating, there are several confusing questions that God has yet to answer, I'm waiting on some direction, and then to top it all off I had some discouraging situations arise.

I came home - tired and lonely - and determined to try to get some answers.  I grabbed my Bible and a flashlight and ran to my hidden spot in the backyard where I could cry if I needed.  Opening to Psalm 13 I read:

"O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever? How long will you look the other way?
How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
Turn and answer me, O Lord my God! Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!” Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.
But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. I will sing to the Lord because he is good to me."

Oh, how I could relate to David's distress! But the last part got under my skin. WHY suddenly is David breaking out in joyful songs. What happened in the middle of writing that Psalm that change his entire outlook?  I am envious. But a bit confused too...

I moved on to chapter 43:

For you are God, my only safe haven. Why have you tossed me aside?
Why must I wander around in grief, oppressed by my enemies?
Send out your light and your truth; let them guide me.
Let them lead me to your holy mountain, to the place where you live.
There I will go to the altar of God, to God—the source of all my joy.
I will praise you with my harp, O God, my God!
Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again—my Savior and my God!

There it was again. David, like myself, was searching for answers...for guidance. Suffering because he felt as though God had deserted him. Am I not in the same place. Don't I feel as thought God has maybe forgotten that I am still in need of answers?  But, again, David changes his mood midstream and begins to praise. What happened? I wish I could go back in time to be there, right in that room, listening to David's agony, but then finding out the source of his transformation into joy and trust. It was getting under my skin now...

I cried a few tears of frustration (10 minutes worth or so) then pushed aside my struggle to read on. Psalm 73:

Truly God is good to Israel, to such as are pure in heart.
But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled; my steps had nearly slipped.
For I was envious of the boastful, when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
For there are no pangs in their death, but their strength is firm.
They are not in trouble as other men, nor are they plagued like other men.
Therefore pride serves as their necklace...

Ah, again I could relate. I had envied, today, the people that could do whatever they wanted. Enjoy life, have fun. Those who did not have the burden of obedience. Yes, I am ashamed, I was envious of those who could have fun without worrying about righteousness or wisdom.  I was sick of struggle...of fire...of trouble and pain and self-sacrifice and laying aside my will all the time. I wanted to do my thing my way if God wasn't going to give me my answers...or at least that's how I felt until I read further.

When I thought how to understand this, it was too painful for me—Until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I understood their end.
Surely You set them in slippery places; You cast them down to destruction.
Oh, how they are brought to desolation, as in a moment! They are utterly consumed with terrors.
As a dream when one awakes, so, Lord, when You awake, You shall despise their image.
Thus my heart was grieved, and I was vexed in my mind. I was so foolish and ignorant;
I was like a beast before You.
Nevertheless I am continually with You; You hold me by my right hand. You will guide me with Your counsel, and afterward receive me to glory.
Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.
My flesh and my heart fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
For indeed, those who are far from You shall perish; You have destroyed all those who desert You for harlotry.
But it is good for me to draw near to God; I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, that I may declare all Your works.

The truth hit my brain like a shaft of light. David's questions were all answered. Not by whining and complaining or getting frustrated, but by turning his eyes from the question to look at the Solution. Suddenly all the questions - when put in an eternal perspective - were taken care of.  "It is good for me to draw near to God." THERE. That is how David was able to change his attitude. He took his questions and problems, gathered them up, carried them to the Throne Room and handed them to His God. "My heart and flesh fail..." He knew it. I know it. God knows it. "...but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever..." I don't understand how He does it, it's a great mystery. But somehow, when David drew close to God, He changed his outlook. He changed his attitude. He took the worries that were piled up like mountains around David, and He diminished them until it was like David didn't even remember what he was fretting over. Intriguing.

I tried it. I drew near to God...then nearer...nearer...then even more near. I spent time there. I didn't hurry away, I just sat and considered HIM. His character. His nature. The things He's done. The things He has said. Oh, yes, I did ask my questions - or, at least, I tried. I started to whine and it just seemed out of place next to His grandeur. The problems were too little to catch my attention now. I was enthralled. I couldn't keep my mind on the problem long enough to fret over it. I kept getting distracted by the beauty of Christ. I didn't WANT discouragement any more. I wanted God. I wanted joy, and adoration, and love, and trust, and to glory in His unending faithfulness. I wanted to sing and then maybe dance a little. I wanted to praise and worship and bow down and cry, "Holy!" with all the angels. That's what I wanted. So that's what I did.

I don't remember where I left my worries. I must have dropped them somewhere in the Presence of God. I don't have time to stop to search for them now...

Psalm 84

"How lovely is Your tabernacle, O Lord of hosts! My soul longs, yes, even faints for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young—Even Your altars, O Lord of hosts, my King and my God. Blessed are those who dwell in Your house; they will still be praising You. Selah
Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, whose heart is set on pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a spring; the rain also covers it with pools. They go from strength to strength; each one appears before God in Zion. O Lord God of hosts, hear my prayer; give ear, O God of Jacob! Selah
O God, behold our shield, and look upon the face of Your anointed. For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness. For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly. O Lord of hosts, blessed is the man who trusts in You!"
-Psalm 84

Those who are God's, it seems, find great joy in the things that are God's. They love what is holy. They crave to be near a holy God. They rejoice to obey His holy law. They delight in holy relationship with others that are holy.

"My heart and flesh cry out for the living God..." this is no religion of dead works or empty practice of goodness! This is a deep, a holy relationship with God who lives, and works, and speaks, and hovers over us. It is the cry of a heart that says: "God, I long for You so desperately that I am willing to remove anything, ANYTHING in my life that would separate You and I. Remove from me the habits that keep me from being transformed daily into Your image. I don't want to offer empty praise that is void of heartfelt worship. I want to kneel time after time at the feet of my Savior and be changed by Him. I want to meet face-to-face as friends, as companions. I want to be yoked together WITH Him in the same holy, living work."

"How lovely is Your Tabernacle..." then later, "For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness."
His altars will be my home forever, as a sparrow is at home in her nest. Here, in His Tabernacle, I want to stay. Here in the continual cycle of sacrifice and resurrection; daily laying myself before Him, daily being raised up by Him. To dwell here and wait in constant attendance on my God - what a lovely thought. Forever right at His side, waiting for a word, a touch, a glance to indicate His desire. Imagine! I'd rather be the lowliest of all servants here in the most blessed of places, than to roll in riches where I never catch a glimpse of His face. 'Blessed are those who dwell in Your house' the Psalmist reminds me. Blessed, happy, to be greatly envied are we who are so privileged as to spend our days in the presence of our Lord.

"Blessed is the man whose strength is in You..."

How happy are those who don't do their own will their own way, but who lean on the strength of their God. They will find that they are never without strength so long as they are doing His work with Him. the Everlasting God is the support of the obedient.

"...Whose heart is set on pilgrimage..."

My gaze is to be set on the New Jerusalem. I am to live always as one of her citizens, abiding by her laws, loyal to her people, devoted to her King, homesick for her beauty.  I am to be so set on her that when I walk through the desert, I dig deep into the sand to find the pools running far underground that are like her own springs, and the desert becomes luscious and beautiful like my own homeland. Where is my gaze? My home? My identity? Is my heart SET on pilgrimage? Am I glad to leave everything behind to follow close to my God? When people look at me, is it obvious that I am a citizen of heaven?

"For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord will give grace and glory..."

He is my rear-guard and forward motion. Like the pillar of fire for the Israelites, He lights my way and holds my enemies at bay. He gives grace - His goodwill toward me, His good work within me. He gives glory - the favor of the Lord which no man can disprove or deny. "NO GOOD THING does He withhold from those that walk uprightly". In the end, when all is said and done, I admit without hesitation that I have no regrets in serving God. I have given up nothing that He hasn't returned ten-fold. I have made no sacrifice worthy of the blessing I have received. I gave up fear, and pride, and self-loathing. I received a home, an identity, love, security, and blessing. Let me never say the road is too hard or the pilgrimage too long when He illuminates my way, hedges me on every side, makes me an heir and child, and then - to top it all - showers me with every good thing...and all I have to do is follow Him.

Yes, He has left me no alternative than to praise Him once again.